as I had a thought earlier that was blasphemous to the holy spirit, i did not (and do not want to) say it out loud. It was in my head, but im concerned if it was if i meant it from the heart. I asked for forgiveness but my question is what reference or test can i do on myself to see if the spirit of God is still in me? as from my perspective it doesn't look so good for me.
Matthew 5.27-28 "27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Jesus raised the bar from outward behavior to the thoughts of our heart. On the other hand, I assume you are referring to the passage that says that blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.
Briefly, IMHO, Jesus was talking about the inability to see the working of the Spirit for what it was and instead attributing it to the Devil. A person, while in this condition, would be beyond repentance. Note that I'm qualifying my statement to avoid stating a doctrine.
The fact that you are concerned is a good indication that you are not in that place. God gives us grace to cover our sins; in turn, we should use the opportunity to improve.