Why did Jacob and David do nothing when tragedy happened in the family?

Question

The two stories are very disturbing both Jacob (Dinah: Gen 34) and David (Tamar: 2 Sam 13) daughters were violated. In both cases it does not mention that they responded with anything however their sons took vengeful responses which consequences costed them dearly. Were they both trying to leave “vengeance to God (Rom 12:17-21)” or what?

Answer 1

Jacob

Jacob didn't take revenge against Shechem for raping his daughter because he was afraid of the reactions of the Canaanites. Jacob clearly says why he didn't want to avenge himself on Shechem after Simeon and Levi kill the Shechemites (Genesis 34:30, NRSV):

Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me by making me odious to the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites and the Perizzites; my numbers are few, and if they gather themselves against me and attack me, I shall be destroyed, both I and my household.”

If he killed Shechem for having raped Dinah, he would have had to fear a counterattack by the Canaanites and Perizzites who then lived in Canaan.

David

In this case, we are told that David was angry about Amnon raping Tamar (2 Samuel 13:21), so it might be unfair in this case to say that he didn't respond. The text doesn't explicitly say what David's motives were in not taking further action. However, I think it's clear why David didn't take revenge against the rapist: the rapist was his own son.

David is described elsewhere as an indulgent parent, never having rebuked his son Adonijah (1 Kings 1:6). Even when Absalom rebelled against him, he begged that he be treated gently (2 Samuel 18:5) and was distraught when he died. In this case, he may or may not have rebuked Amnon for what he did (the text doesn't say one way or another), but he would certainly never have killed his own son as Absalom later did.

Answer 2

David didn't commit adultery with Bathsheba. He raped her. He was king. She was a subject who wasn't in the position to say no. She was bathing at night, as was custom & not for an audience. The Bible is always clear about people's intent. Because the Word is silent about her complicity, we can assume it's because she was simply trying to take a bath and the king did what he did.

His guilt that lead to silence wasn't over adultery. It was over like father like son.

Answer 3

Jacob

I suggest that Jacob did not take revenge because, as a man of God, he saw a better way. Jacob had planned to turn this tragedy into an opportunity to adopt the whole town of Schechem into God's Covenant. This is shown in the following negotiation between Jacob and Schechem.

11 Then Shechem appealed to Dinah’s father and brothers: “Do me this favor, and whatever you ask from me, I will give. 12 No matter how high you set the bridal price and gift, I will give you whatever you ask from me; only give me the young woman as a wife.”

Jacob and his sons responded by demanding that the town's males be circumcised, the sign of God's covenant. The key verse here is vs. 16:

We will give our daughters to you and take your daughters to ourselves; and we will dwell among you and become as one kindred.

From Jacob's standpoint, this was a wonderful opportunity forgiveness as well as a kind of revenge. Schechem had repented, and the town had agreed to become people of the Covenant of circumcision, "as one kindred." Jacob's sons tragically turned it into an opportunity not only for revenge but for betrayal and mass murder - and Jacob's name became "odious" throughout Canaan. This little known incident was one of the worst lost opportunities of history.

David

Regarding David, in my opinion his unwillingness to punish Amnon for the rape of Tamar is a manifestation of David's tragic flaw: failing to discipline his sons and nephews. This bore fruit when Absalom took matters into his own hands and killed Amnon. Once again David failed in disciplining his son (Absalom), leading to Absalom's eventually leading a rebellion which temporarily drove David from the throne. Even then, David failed to deal harshly with him, leaving it to Joab to do the dirty work (against David's will.) Nor did David strongly punish Joab (who was David's nephew) for killing Absalom. Later, David stood impotently by while Joab supported the attempt of Adonijah (David's oldest surviving son) to usurp the throne. True to form, David did not punish Adonijah's treason, leaving to Solomon to deal with both Joab and Adonijah after David's death.

Conclusion: The reason Jacob did not take revenge on Schechem was because he saw a way, through forgiveness of his potential enemies, to turn them into brothers and adopt them into the people of God. The reason David did not discipline Amnon for the rape of Tamar was that failing to punish close relatives was David's near-fatal character flaw.