Good question and good cross-reference.
The Greek word (miseo) is used in three ways (using Vine's Expository Dictionary, without listing all the examples):
- Of malicious and unjustifiable feelings towards others, whether
towards the innocent or by mutual animosity
- Of a right feeling of aversion from what is evil
- Of relative preference for one thing over another, by way of expressing either aversion from, or disregard for, the claims of one person or thing relatively to those of another
Cross references for hate (miseo)
A good case can be made that the word is used with the third meaning in Romans 9:13. Two good cross-references are:
"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:26
Jesus cannot mean that we are to have malicious feelings for our families, because that would contradict His commands to "love one another" (John 13:34,35, 15:12, 15:17) as well as other references in the New Testament ("abound in love one toward another, and toward all men" 1 Thessalonians 3:12, "you ... are taught of God to love one another" 1 Thessalonians 4:9, "see that you love one another with a pure heart fervently" 1 Peter 1:22). Therefore, Jesus meant that in comparison to one's devotion to Christ, one's family ties must be secondary. Only the third useage of miseo makes sense.
"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." Matthew 6:24 (cross-reference Luke 16:13)
A servant in Jesus' day could not serve two owners (Greek kurios = lord, master) simultaneously. The servant had to be loyal and devoted (adhering to) to one owner, but despised (disdained) the other (but didn't necessarily have malicious intent). In the same way, Jesus says we cannot be loyal to God and money. We have one master - either Jesus is Lord, or someone/something else is. You make like another person or thing, but ultimately they are secondary.
Meaning of the Quote in its own context
“I have loved you,” says the Lord. “Yet you say, ‘In what way have You loved us?’ Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” Says the Lord. “Yet Jacob I have loved; (3) But Esau I have hated, and laid waste his mountains and his heritage for the jackals of the wilderness.” Malachi 1:2,3
God chose Jacob's descendants to be His chosen people, rather than Esau's descendants. There was no merit on Jacob's part.
- There is no word stated about the eternal state of Jacob or Esau.
- What is spoken about here (see verse 4 as well) is only their
- "Loving Jacob" and "Hating (loving less) Esau"
does not concern the two brothers at all, but their descendants.
Meaning of the phrase in ancient Israel
This expression of loving and hating involves the use of a Hebrew idiom. If a father had two sons and made one heir, he was said to love the one he had made his heir and to hate the other whom he had not made an heir. The love and hate spoken of here are not related to the emotions; they are related to the will of God. The words challenged Israel in that time to recognise the responsibilities inherent in its privileged position as heir. (source: The King James Study Bible, 1988, Liberty University, Thomas Nelson Publishers)
Therefore, I think the best explanation of miseo used in Rom 9:13 is definition No. 3 above.